The holidays: a time of twinkling lights, festive cheer, and... wait, why is your partner suddenly morphing into a Grinch/Scrooge/the Ghost of Christmas Past? If they’re more sensitive, distant, or needy than usual, you might be thinking, “Is it me? Did I forget to compliment their new sweater? Don't worry, you haven't accidentally regifted them that fruitcake from last year." Relax—it’s probably not you. The truth is, holiday emotions can hit hard, especially for someone carrying emotional baggage from the past. Think of it like that one ornament that always falls off the tree—sometimes, the season just shakes things loose.
Let’s break down why your partner might be acting this way, what’s really going on, and how you can help them navigate the holiday season without losing your cool (or your sanity!).
Why the Holidays Can Be Tough on Emotions
The holidays have a way of digging up old feelings. Maybe their childhood holidays involved a fruitcake-fueled family feud or a traumatic incident with a department store Santa. While everyone’s singing about joy and togetherness, your partner might be revisiting some not-so-cheery memories. If they’ve faced abandonment, rejection, or family drama in the past, the holidays can act like a giant emotional highlighter, pointing out all the stuff they’d rather forget.
This isn’t just about their past, though—it’s also about how they’re processing those emotions now. And let’s be honest, the holidays don’t exactly offer much downtime for self-reflection with all the shopping, decorating, and forced merriment. Cue the emotional stress showing up in your relationship.
How Holiday Emotions Affect Relationships
Here’s how your partner’s holiday stress might be playing out in your relationship:
They’re Extra Sensitive: You say, “I’ll call you later,” and suddenly it’s, "You forgot to fluff the pillows on the couch? Clearly, you've fallen out of love with me and are planning to run off with the neighbor's inflatable reindeer!" Yep, that’s heightened sensitivity for you. Their emotional triggers are on high alert, so little things might feel like big things right now.
They’re Pulling Away: If they’re skipping parties, dodging plans, or spending more time tangled in Christmas lights than tangled up with you, it could be a sign they’re feeling overwhelmed. Withdrawal is a classic “protective mode.”
They’re Needing More Reassurance: Are they checking in constantly—“Are we okay?” “Do you still love me?” “Do you think this Santa hat makes my head look like a giant candy cane?” They might be looking for validation because the holidays amplify those old fears of abandonment or insecurity.
How to Help Your Partner Handle Holiday Emotions
So, your partner’s emotions are running high. What now? The good news is, you don’t have to be a therapist—just a supportive, understanding partner. Here’s your holiday survival guide:
Start with Compassion: When they seem upset or overreact to something small, resist the urge to say, “Seriously? It’s not that deep.” (I know, it’s hard!) Instead, try: “I notice you’re upset. Want to tell me what’s going on?” A little compassion can go a long way toward helping them feel safe.
Open the Door to Conversation: Your partner might not even know why they’re feeling off, but creating space to talk can help. Say something like, “Hey, if there’s anything you want to share, I’m here to listen.” Bonus points if you bring snacks—emotions go down easier with cookies (unless they're gluten-free, then maybe try some festive kale chips?).
Reassure, Don’t Overreact: If they’re seeking constant reassurance, it can feel overwhelming—but snapping doesn’t help. Instead, keep it simple: “I love you, and I’m so glad we’re in this together.” Sometimes a kind word is all they need to feel grounded again.
Respect Their Boundaries: If they’re not in the mood for Aunt Betty’s never-ending stories or a crowded holiday party, don’t push them. Offer a quieter alternative, like a movie night or a walk to check out the neighborhood lights.
Help Them Stay Present: When emotions start to spiral, gently redirect their focus to the here and now. Suggest decorating cookies, wrapping gifts, or watching a cheesy holiday rom-com (preferably one with a happy ending). These activities can help shift their mood without feeling forced.
Be Patient: Look, the holidays can test even the calmest among us (ever battled a shopping mall in December?). If your partner is struggling, try to give them a little extra grace. Healing isn’t linear, and your support means more than you probably realize.
Why Supporting Them Matters
Here’s the thing: relationships aren’t just about being there for the good times. They’re about showing up when things get messy, too—and the holidays are, well, messy. By supporting your partner through their emotional triggers, you’re strengthening your connection and building trust that lasts way beyond the holiday season.
So, if your partner’s acting a little “off,” don’t panic. Be patient, stay empathetic, and remember: you’re on the same team. And if your partner still insists on wearing that reindeer onesie to your office holiday party...well, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate some life choices. Just kidding! (Mostly.) Together, you’ve got this. 💖